Megan

Its august already, I can't believe it. This year has gone oh soo fast!
Anthony moves away soon, and im disappointed about that a little, but what can I do?
School shopping for my cousin has made me the most happiest person ever. Still working at tsa.


FSU starts sept 7th! VS UM

So, i finally have a job. I really like it. Only thing is i work in North lake. Oh well i guess.


This morning was the first time change. I was awake at 8am. While i was lying in bed, i was listening/watching VH1. This song i heard reminded me of a poem i wrote a few years ago, about how many times of my heart being broken will it take to be shadder?

Then it reminded me back in the day why i wrote it. Ive been through so much and now sitting back and realizing it. Realizing how much my life has changed over in the year. Realizing that family should be closer than what they are. I found out some not so stocking news. A couple weeks ago, my grandmother had sat me down and told me that my uncle was dying of his cancer finally that the stem cells didnt work. Well after a day or two she had gotten another phone call saying that they were going to go right ahead and give him something else that will work and what not.

Walking around in Pet smart, i had called my mother telling her that i had picked her up a packet for her and the dog. While on the phone she had given me the wonderful news that i didnt want on Halloween. Which makes me mad right now when i was on the phone with my grandmother earlier i totally forgot about the news and never even have i talked to her.

This weekend was like the usual. No money and nothing to do. Besides yesterday i worked. On friday i sat outside and gave out candy to all of the kids who walked up. =) but... on the angry note i brig home. Which i didnt have any of it because Dan the fat sat ate it all. Which im still upset on. Ive been craving some candy for some time now. Well now since i have updated, i guess ill go now.

Everything is going good. Still which Dan nothing new besides the job.

Seriously, has anyone ever dated someone your mother didnt like? I think every person ive dated just about my mother hasnt like. Now, Dan somehow is on my moms mad list or some shit. Because some how its his fault my moms car is broken? lol.

Seriously? Am i the only one that has a CRAZY family? We can Never, be together all of us because something happens always. I dont think my mom had been happy in 2 years. She claims she is but is miserable and makes everyone around her miserable.
Then you have Helen, on the other hand thinks i should move back with my mom. (Helen is super nice and tries to help out) But uh, no! My mother runs hot & Cold its not even funny. She snaps and blah blah blah.
I went over there for an hour, and i just couldnt stay any longer. Everything that came out of her mouth was horrible. Talking about everyone and nothing but sour.
I asked her, what she was going to do tomorrow for her birthday and yet sounded like a dog barking. Then she said you didnt tell Dan its my birthday tomorrow? I said yes? She said oh well i dont want him knowing and blah blah blah..

When i get to her age, i hope im honestly not like her miserable and freaking crabby!

Everything with me is good, i had an Interview yesterday. On Northlake Sports Authority. It sounded good, they were going to do my back ground check, then i could start working.
I thought the GM was suppose to call me today? But i guess i misunderstood? I dont know but my fingers are crossed.

Im so excited because fall is here, and so to be winter!! I hope we have a winter this year!! =)

Earlier today(about an hour ago)my Nana and i hung out today. We hung out for a few. Yesterday my mom and i had gotten into it, because she was yelling at me when she wore she wasnt.
What my Grandmother and i talked about was how Im happy with Dan but im not. How i dont do anything anymore. We dont go out, and how im not use to it. How His friends had treated over the year.
My mom was upset because she wants to take me clothes shopping but she cant because she is in a hole right now and all this.
I told my grandmother she was right, because Dan is the first guy i dated that my life had completely changed. Who would want to go out with out their boyfriend? I lost all of my friends because of Dan. I love Dan, bit they were right i am unhappy. The fact that i dont have a job and i cant find one is driving me up a wall.
Dan and i are to completely different people.
I cant think or can i talk to someone and write at the same time.

Everything is going good, so far. Ive been hanging out, nothing big. This weekend Dan and i spent most of it at the beach. Im still waiting on UPS to call me back, they said they were going to this week, and ive been hoping really really hard about it too. So i hope it happens. This afternoon, i called my mom and then spent some time with her. That was good. She made Dan and i Dinner. Stuffed shells. <33
Other than that nothing to complain about. =)

Missing Helen, the usual though. Her crush is coming to see her this weekend. So im going to have fun hearing all about it on Monday night. =)

Hooray, right? Not. Fourth of July is my favorite holiday ever, and today well suck.
Chery's throwing a party here tonight, and well i dont want to be here tonight, because of the people that will be here. I cant stand. When i see the person its like looking at hell or something.
Ive never had the feeling with anyone, before.... and sad to say i have this feeling with this person. I dont want to be a crab and end up staying in the room, but i think thats whats going to happen.

I dont understand how someone can sit there talk all this horrible shit about you and then wan to be friends with you again only because your boy friend was there best friend. Pretty shitty, but hey the story of my life.

I honestly, and seriously dont know where to start.
How lately, ive just wanted shoot myself, of how bored ive been. The ONLY i have, is Helen, and it feels like shes a million miles away. Its pretty SAD. Ive applied at a few places, and nothing. I walked in to alot of place, where arent hiring at all. When i finally get a job, i dont ever want to come home, i wanna be working 24hrs. Itll keep me from being BORED.

Ill keep my fingers crossed and hope someone calls me. =) I dont know how of much long i can handle this lol.

Sitting outside, its such a nice day. Besides the heat. The breeze is nice. Im not understanding anymore, things have been getting worse. No jobs, no money. Whats next? Im bored from day in and out.
Annoyed. No job, nor car. What am i suppose to be doing? && No luck either. Sucks. Pretty shitty. I dont know why im bitching when like everyone is going through the same thing as me.

I'm guessing things wont get any better than this. About 2 weeks ago, Dan and i finally said 'i love you'. Nine months. Dan's gotten better on his selfishness. So far go good. We've gotten closer.

Anthony and i are finally friends again. It feels so great. I couldn't stand it with out him in my life. I dont know where i would be with him i mean we were best friends 2 years and then for the last 2 we were rocky. 5 years knowing him, so crazy.

Ive been around here with no job for a freaking month and im about to lose my mind! I cant believe people do this for a living. I cant believe i this last year.

Wow, so the beginning of the year wasnt the best, but what can i say? The end of the year wasnt something i wanted to happen. Losing three people. Getting into a fight with my mother before new years wasnt something i want. I didnt want any of this to happen. Im completely hating my job right now. No money!! I liked it at first but doesnt everyone, but after two weeks of no money. Yeah time to look somewhere else. But before i start looking for jobs, or applying i need a car or something which i dont. So in like a week or two Dan and i are getting me this 89 crown royal. I know but its a start right? I would love to work at Renegades, but the hours suck. But hey if thats where the money is going to get me than i guess i shouldnt complain.

I still have feelings.
We're both stubbern.
I havent seen him in awhile.
Im so wrong for writing this.
Im so confused.

The night is dark, the air is cool. The stars are bright. The sound is slient. Things come and go. Nothing is here. Everything is gone. The water is rocky. The water is dark. It was raining. You were there. I was here. Your face is slowly going. Your memory is going. Your voice is gone. The clouds are moving. My heart is racing, to beat something that isnt there. My hands are out.

Your smile, is gone.
Your eyes, are gone.
Your stare, is gone.
Your look, is gone.
The touch, is gone.

I am alone.
I am just another dust.

What do we work on most in life? Trying to make people happy, or trying to keep them pissed off? Either way in the end it looks to me we still get fucked. People are so hard to keep a certin way. Sometimes, i think they do it for attention, or to test you. If your truely a friend and will put up with their shit or not. Seriously some people keep me barely holding on, and why am i still there? the same question keeps going over in my hand.

Getting over a crush is sooo hard to do. Hes always on your mind. Your wondering what hes doing. If hes ok, and more."You miss the way he looked in to your eyes". "You miss the way he held you". "You miss the time spent with him". "You try soo hard to not think about him, and everywhere you turn there is something that just reminds you of him."
Black beauty, will always be in my head

Soo, my birthday is like 7 days away, um another year tooo old.

-Went to the beach today, it was soo beautiful.
-In a couple of weeks, ill be 20 scary i know.
-Hung out with Penny last night.
-Went Truck looking
-Drank as well, but i did good didnt get drunk lol

There is one thing i want most right, and that would be to, be one with my mom the most. I thought by getting everything that was inside me out. Well i guess sometimes thats a bad thing? Well how can you be honest with someone when you dont tell them everything right?

Hmm lets see what happens

So, our hearts can break so many times, but how many times can your heart be shaddered? I've had my broken Three times, dont you hate when they say third times the charm? Ha! That never works. Its just something you get all happy over and think it really happens. But how many times do you have to get butterflies, before you know your in love?
Another question, that passes by me all the time is. Why are they always stubbern, and afraid? If you honestly know them, an have, and they know they can trust you, why do they make you play all these games with them? I DONT KNOW!! He makes me mad and im tired of questioning myself right now.

He's gone,
Im scared
I want him back.

So..
Bascially in my life my good. Everything is good. Work, i wish i wasnt. Living life like no tomorrow. I leave this weekend for NC. Im so excited. I get away for a weekend. Then Monday and Tuesday that time is spent with the mother.
So i saw CB on Dixie the other day driving. So weird to see him. But so glad to see hes fine.